What or Who Influences you?

Just this week my daughter had an essay to do for her Language Arts class on…. you guessed it….Influences. After explaining what influence was and then she decided on a person of influence, it made me think of a lot of things and a lot of people that has influenced me and donated (knowingly or not) knowledge to me and assisted me in becoming the person I am today. For those who know my family, know my daughter is knocking on the door of the teenage years, it often seems as she is beating the door down but in either case we are just about to embark on a new chapter in her life and influences are all around the good, the bad, and the ugly are everywhere. Which direction will she choose? Will she use the somewhat good but still underdeveloped judgment that she has or will she choose the path that leads to trouble, chaos and sleepless nights? Up until this essay I had not given much thought to how she will choose but only know that if she doesn’t choose correctly, there are consequences and repercussions to her poor judgment. I’ve been told a wise man learns off the mistakes of others while a fool learns from his own mistakes – there is truth to that but learning off our own mistakes makes us stronger and builds character doesn’t it?

Back to my intention for this blog….my influences…..where do I begin?...I’ll begin with my conscience. My conscience influences the decisions I make on a daily basis which ties into the way I was brought up by my family and what I learned from my friends and by watching those who weren’t so friendly. I learned early right from wrong (but we won’t discuss whether I was wise or a fool). Work ethic props go to my mother. Thanks mom for teaching me the value of a dollar and proving to me that there is no such thing as a seed that grows the money tree. Being a supportive wife (even when you don’t feel like it) props go to my Nana. She wakes every morning to prepare a “big breakfast” (as Lizzie calls it) for Granddaddy; she is super compassionate and extremely helpful. The playing prop goes to Dad, throwing a book of matches at the cashier in a convenience store just to make her smile – trademark I say. But… Unknowingly he also showed to me while I was young how to be mechanically inclined when it comes to home appliances (by letting me ride around with him to service the fine folks to Topsail Island with heat and air). And…… that Clorox and his favorite black Harley Davidson t-shirts don’t mix – Black fabric and Clorox make brown shirts – who knew? Who taught me that knowledge is power – my granddaddy – He reads the newspaper from front to back every day without fail, his brain is full of history, knowledge and experience. – Joe often says that he should be cloned and placed in a glass jar to break in case of emergency. To date he is 87 years young and can most likely work circles around the average 25 year old today. Being ready for the unexpected pitfalls of life is something I didn’t learn until I was married. My husband of 12 years this October has been so supportive of all we have accomplished and all we have yet to accomplish. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side and sometimes patience does pay off (I don’t have a lot of patience as it is- that is an inherited trait, but I’m working on it). He and I together can get through most anything (sometimes I wonder) but I trust him completely with my life and our life together. Giving someone the benefit of the doubt - trust your instinct and be helpful when you can – my 2nd dad - Stanley Padgett taught me that. He, came into our family in 1992 and married my mom in 1993. Setting goals, being self-helpful while being helpful to others, and learning how to be successful by not just practicing it but being consistent in it– Scott Erickson. He allowed me to grow and develop as a young woman in the world of Real Estate and although I miss it, I think he would agree that by moving forward instead of looking behind, it is probable that you will get farther in life. To be compassionate about what you do and who you are is a task all its own. But to be compassionate about others, their feelings and opinions at the same time is extraordinary – LD Smith is just that person. Not an opportunity passes LD by that he doesn’t go out of his way to speak to you, “How’s things goin’?” is usually the first sentence you hear when in the presence of LD. My grandma Judy has proven that the eye glare over the reading glasses really does work when you’re caught doing or saying something you know you shouldn’t – ask my mother – that glare was passed down and continues to be. My granddaddy Bogan proved that peppermints, candied orange slices and marshmallow peanuts are great treat in general but especially good during a church service. – I love and miss him. He never said too much but I can see him in heaven now in his rocking chair or washing a bushel of oysters and drinking a RC-cola. The power of perseverance, determination and overcoming the bad times in life – Michelle Wheeler. After all she has been through in the last year fighting breast cancer, she has remained positive, her head is up she’s finally getting back to the good side of life. She is humble, caring and a magnificent woman in general. Being a good friend, listening, and all that good stuff – props go to Valerie Dally, Christina Langrudi, Belinda Jones, and Michelle Taylor. These ladies are four of the most precious friends anyone could ask for. They lift you up when you’re down, they make you smile when you frown, we share thoughts, ideas, good times and bad together and somehow help each other make it through. Amy Shea – showed to me almost 20 years ago what a friend was and what a friend was supposed to be. We found each other a little over two years ago and although I haven’t seen her in person in 20 years, I feel like we picked up where we left off. Thanks Amy for that – Friendships of the right kind can last forever even when you’re out of touch. I could go on and on all day about the different people who have influenced my life good, bad and otherwise but I think it would be a boring blog especially to those that I may have incidentally overlooked. These are just a few that came to the top of my mind

Influence by being positive – not negative in every way you can. Everyone has bad days, everyone has dysfunctional family members, everyone doesn’t always come out on top (in their own book) but if you are true to who you are, no one can ask for anything more. If you are a person of influence – and you are whether you know it or not, be the best influence you can be. You will be rewarded for it by the smiles you create, the memories you make and the life you live.

Reflections and New Beginnings

As I reflect on the year that has blown past us, I wonder where has the year gone? It flew past me at the speed of light it seems but none the less, I’m healthy and blessed with another day in another year for now. I learned many lessons in 08’ some good, some not so good but any lesson learned (good or bad) benefit us in one way or another – right? I’ve come to realize that one person can make a difference in the life of another. I’ve watched change occur right before my eyes, history made, struggles met with victory and healing, accomplishments made and goals met and yet life still goes on. I wonder what 09’ holds – I know it holds a brand new niece in March and a niece or nephew in July.

“Resolutions” are like “rules” they are made to be broken and bent, so like my friend Carla, I will settle for “intentions” instead – but I will call it “aiming”. I aim to be a better wife and mother. I aim to take the time necessary to enjoy the simple things in life. It is often I realize how simple it is to get caught up in the hype of a fast paced world. “I want it done and I want it done now!” – damn it… Patience for those who truly know me is something I don’t have a whole lot of so….. being exposed to this “get it now” atmosphere is pleasing and frustrating to me all at the same time. I aim to be more patient in the year ahead and with A LOT of help and Chocolate - I can overcome it. I aim to be a better influence to those around me and not take small things and life to “personal” – if they’re out to get me - they’re out to get me and how I react reflects whether they “got” me or not. I aim to be organized like I used to be, the heritage (it runs in the family – I swear it does) of keeping things on the sole reason that “we might need it one day” is trickling down to my generation. – I aim to shake that family tradition and get my house, life, and whatever else on track and back to everything has a place. I felt better about myself and my life when I had structure in it; right now there is chaos and A LOT of it. I smell a yard sale very soon – I could “aim” to lose some infamous weight – HA! – I will give it a conscience effort but we will have to see. It can be done as it has been done in the past – we shall see.

With all that happened in my life in 2008, I can only look forward to what will come in 2009. I am blessed with a healthy family, the love of my husband, and so much more. Success in life is what we make it to be right? I intend to be successful in just that…. Life... Thank God for everyday I can put my feet on the floor and be with those I love and those who love me. I “aim” to start everyday with the best of “intentions” and hope for the best. – May each of you who read have a great Year in 2009.

Catching up

Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas Everyone! I have been very slack in blogging over the course of the last few months and decided that today was as good a day as any to catch up.

Over the last few months, I have managed to be laid off, enjoy a few weeks at home and fortunate enough to find employment once again. Being laid off was something that has never happened to me before and came as a shock, and with that came stress, worry, and then some relief as the Real Estate Company I was working for did take care of me for which I am very thankful.

During my weeks at home, I was able to spend time with Nana, clean my house (it reallllllly needed it) and run errands for my husband. After a full week at home my nerves were starting to fray (a floor can only be swept so many times you know) and the need for employment on a personal level was high. So I began to search, and search and search. I applied and applied and applied. Nothing is simple anymore – Finally I was blessed with employment at SFI Group Insurance – and…I am enjoying it!

I spent Thanksgiving at home with my family and then the day after, went shopping with my friends and all the rest of the early risers at 4am Friday morning. Chatting on the sidewalk at Target at 4am is something I never envisioned myself doing – but… it was fun and I hope that I can do it again. Over the course of the day, I began to realize that Christmas is NOT what it used to be and being courteous is something that every takes for granted at some point in time. Bumper Carts in Wal-Mart is not fun. Christmas is for the children and the true meaning is found by the smiles on their faces and love in their hearts, the unconditional love that comes to us and provided by God above.

Merry Christmas

Media Effects....

As most people in this great country, I watch the news.... primarily for the weather because everything else that is reported usually is depressing bad news and is prolonged over the course of a week or two. The media has recently (over the last few months) has blown up and then deflated the housing market so much and everyone is scared to buy, scared to travel, almost even scared to leave the house. At my office we are still listing and selling our inventory regularly, not as fast as we would like of course but for the most part with the number of real estate offices on and around the island, I would say we are holding our own.

My question is this – Why must the media make a mountain out of a mole hill? What gratification do they get for repeatedly reporting negative and depressing news? Ratings???? Why is it that when the slightest tropical wave comes remotely toward the coast of NC – The weather channel crew is making a b-line to North Topsail Beach – It’s no secret that the North End is suffering erosion and yes there are some houses there that are condemned and in the ocean literally – This is not NEW news – the entire country and those that vacation here, have property here and live here know about the erosion. – I am sure that the homeowner’s especially those who rent the properties out for the summer don’t appreciate the foul taste that the media is putting in the mouths of future vacationers. As a former Property Manager I can assure you that Hurricane Season is what it is but more times than not, the weather media blows more hot air than the tropical storm / hurricane. But yet we let the media get away with it by tuning in every morning at 5:30am like clock work and every night at 6, 7, 10 and 11pm. When we go out to eat, there are even TV’s in the restaurants – we are constantly fed this crap and because we are told about it regularly and no one news station varies from the “story” they are telling - It must be true – right? We must be in really bad shape…. Unemployment is up by 2%, the guy down the street committed a crime, he goes to court, he gets a sentence of however long and he will never really serve the full sentence he was awarded from the jury because he will get out on good behavior. What does that say about our morals as a country when we can’t even stand behind our word? I don’t care if he was good as gold in jail – he did the crime – pay the time – as a child I didn’t get away with something I did bad and you can bet I didn’t get “ungrounded” early either.

It is harder than ever these days to be human – To error is human and everyone is entitled to their fair share of error – But why does everyone’s flaws, mishaps, wrong doings etc have to be broadcast over and over and over again? Report it for a day maybe two and be done with it. For example – NO ONE is immediately affected when Senator McCain had a spot removed from his face and it was sent off for biopsy except Senator McCain and his family or that Obama went to the doctor because he threw out his hip – Let these men have their privacy for crying out loud. Neither of these unfortunate things is relevant to who is better suited to run our country. – My interests are who in my neighborhood has recently been added to the sex offender list – By all means broadcast their name, picture and address over the TV – anyone that sick deserves to be humiliated. – That may sound like a contradiction but come on now, did you really care that Obama threw out his hip or do you care if your children are safe? My interests in the Presidental race is who is going to effectively work for the middle class, who is going to relieve the gas price gouging, who is going to do what they can with all their might to unscrew the screwed up portions of our country bringing us back to having faith in our leader(s) and who perhaps will re-visit putting God back in our schools. Don’t get me wrong I care if they are terminally ill but if one of them is in a wheel chair – that doesn’t change their morals and values.

Think about this the next time you watch the news – is it in your opinion as bad as the media makes it out to be? Are you healthy? Can you afford to put food on your table? Can you make it to and from work without suffering a deficit in your wallet? Sure you have become more aware of your spending habits, but what are you doing to survive as a result of the media deflating the economy – are you complaining that you don’t have anything, or you can’t get anything – or are you doing something about it and in turn living the life you want to?

Little Miss Nosey

In a small town/neighborhood secrets are tough to keep and eventually you learn who you can and cannot trust with a secret no matter the level of importance or lack of it. Rumors get started and silence comes across the room just as you enter – you know by the stares they’re talkin’ about you and suddenly everyone you know becomes your friend or your enemy. The relevance of this blog has absolutely nothing to do with that kind of nosiness.

This blog is about people minding their own business and how much happier they would be as people if they wouldn’t worry themselves with something that has absolutely nothing to do with them. For example on the news earlier this week a mother of 3 could possibly serve jail time for spanking her child in public – not beating, but spanking. According to the news the family of 4 was at an event that involved a parade, they were watching the parade the 2 yr old little girl was trying to make her way into the street – any mother in her right mind would know that a 2 yr old and a 4 lane highway are a bad combination so the mother popped the little girl on her fanny. – No harm no foul and in the end the child will realize eventually that street play is not for little girls and/or boys and cars can hurt. – Some one in the crowd called the police and reported abuse! This woman was minding her own business, and trying to enjoy the festivities with her children and it just so happened that her toddler tried to get away because of all the “pretties” and goodies in the road from the parade. Don’t get me wrong, I am all for Super Nanny on ABC and her tactics do work but sometimes nothing else can get a point across except spanking and in that instance, I would have done the very same thing, my child would have gotten her fanny popped.

Last evening I witnessed a mother discipline her son over dinner because he had learned a new word – “hate” and he was telling everyone and everything he hated them/it and he was very excited about it if you know what I mean. His mother had enough of it and warned him twice and the third time they took a trip to the car. – GO MOM! Nothing was said, by anyone at the table or in the restaurant - we all knew that she meant business and by the attitude of the little boy when they returned to the restaurant, he did too - the young guy was made to come back in and apologize to the entire table and the waitress. – You definitely don’t see that kind of parenting anymore.

People sue other people for the stupidest reasons and people report abuse when there is no abuse to report. If the child is bruised as a direct result of a spanking, that is one thing but when did it become the world’s business on how parents raise their children? Come on... look at the child, does he/she appear abused, are they clean and for the most part happy. You can see abuse in the eyes of a child just by looking at them. That is when something should be done before it is too late but spanking is not abuse, hitting with a closed fist on a child is. As a child and tween, and even as a teenager there were plenty of occasions that I should have gotten a spanking and didn’t but there were also those times that I got it and I did in fact deserve it. That discipline has helped to mold me into who I am and I think I turned out alright – I have morals, values, and work ethic and a clean conscience.

Most children in today’s society are spoiled and expect the world to cater to them – So sorry – not me not my child either. There are rules, boundaries and limitations. I love my daughter enough to provide her with those rules, boundaries and limitations and the consequences should they be broken. I would never do anything to hurt, damage or ruin my daughter. Does that make me a bad parent - NO it holds my daughter accountable for her actions and teaches her right from wrong in addtion to teaching her how to treat other people. The only problem I am having right now is trying to figure out how to fit the filter between her brain and her mouth because right now anything that pops in the head is more than likely gonna come out of the mouth. Juveniles in detention centers got there in my opinion by being spoiled and having everything handed to them and when the hand outs stopped they got mad and then got violent – that landed them in jail where they are getting a free ride, free cable TV, free food, free room and board, free hygiene items, free personal trainer so in the end they get what they want anyway.

If everyone would keep to themselves, stay out of everyone else’s business and leave parenting to the parents, they would be surprised on not only how much happier they would be as individuals, they would be stress free from having to keep up with who said or did what AND….. perhaps they wouldn’t be sued or judged or have the cops called on them when they did the same act as they reported to the officials in the first place. As Americans we should not have to walk on egg shells and ask permission to discipline our children. This is the land of the free for things like, freedom of speech and freedom of expression amongst other things. The last time I checked spanking is not against the law – but I am sure it will be before long if we become so scared to live. You may or may not agree with me, everyone is entitled to their own opinions, don't judge me for mine and I won't judge you for yours. - It's the American thing to do.

Share some love

During a lifetime a person learns who they can and cannot trust, what to believe and what not to believe, when to listen and as the song goes - "You find out who your friends are"

Recently I have come to realize and fully understand the phrase - "Looking out for Number One". I will not disclose details on how I came to this understanding but now it is clearer than crystal and comprehended more than I could ever fathom. There is no such thing as helping out a fellow man anymore. In today's time everyone is so afraid that someone is going to get the upper hand or accomplish more or make more money than they themselves and jealousy sets in, unhappiness occurs - you get the picture.

My opinion is that a person can not get anywhere in life without the confidence that they can achieve whatever their heart desires - and getting "things" and doing "things" is not a bad life. But my life to me is my immediate family and close friends. Life isn't about concentrating on how much money you have or you're going to have, or a title you may or may not ever get at your job, it is your family. So many families today are not as close as they should be - why? Pride, jealousy of another, lack of understanding - failure to communicate effectively. For example..I admit I am not as close as I would like to be with one of my sisters.. why... - lack of understanding, a lot of misunderstanding and failure to communicate effectively. I hope that I have not been an awful sister but I know I haven't been an easy one to live with or get along with - but I do love her - we have our differences of opinion - but I still love her and would bend over backwards for her when she needed me.

Everyone tries and everyone fails, Everyone falls down (usually getting kicked while they're down ) and then they're gossiped about when they get back up again. There is no one right answer to anything, everyone has a different right answer but no one wants to listen to what someone else has to say. I am rambling and I realize I am rambling - I truly hope you are getting the jest of the story. I don't have to prove myself to anyone but myself in some cases I am my own worst enemy. My home is stable, my heart is full and my nerves are shot that's usually a mom's point of view but in all seriousness- Greed may make your rich in dollars but it will never make you rich (in life), but... Sharing what you have (knowledge, joy, manners and kindness) with others is contagious and you'll be surprised how happy your life can really be.

What is a mother?

I have met many "mothers" in my lifetime and have been inspired to be more like some and at the same time swear I'd never be like others. Fortunately I have been blessed with more than one mother, more than two grandmothers and had the opportunity when I was small to meet and interact with a great grandmother (I am so glad that my daughter has had that same opportunity).

My mother is a woman child of God, a replica of her own mother (sorry mom) in some ways but mostly has become her own person (just a little bit). She's always supportive on my good decisions and scolds me still when I make bad ones. I still get my feelings hurt at times when she tells me what I need to hear but I know she means well and I wouldn't want her to lie to me. I've hurt her feelings, stomped on her heart and cussed and argued with her all because I knew better than she - in the long run I've ate my words and swallowed my pride to commend her on her experience and have since come to realize that she did know better. I've learned more in the last 11 years and have re-visited the "One day... you'll see" line more than I care to count but I could never thank her enough for the education she has provided with me and although I said, " I'd never do that to my child!" - I admit, I've done it - cause it works.

My Nana is a woman of compassion, and I would have loved to have met her mother and when she reads this she's gonna cry. She too has always been supportive of me and she is who I'd go to when the head momma in charge made me cry. She'd love me and make me feel better and fix me a peanut butter and strawberry jelly sandwich (she had to do it cause she was afraid I'd lick the spoon and put it back in the jelly jar - she's a strict no double dipper). And as the world has turned - she is also who my daughter goes to when I make her mad or she gets hurt - "I want my Nana" she says. I don't have a recent picture of her but I will be putting one on this blog very soon - so lookout Nana here I come with the camera. :)

With the many influences in my life, I have come to determine and somewhat plan on my daughter loving me, sometimes say that she hates me (even though she doesn't), hurt me, crush my heart and mend it all in one sentence. With the lessons I've previously learned and the lessons I will learn in the future I hope I am half the mother that the mothers and grandmothers in my life have been to me.